How to Be a Present Father While Running a Business

Let's be clear up front: you are not a bad dad for working. You work because you love them. The goal here is not guilt. It is building a life where you can provide and be present, instead of trading one for the other.

First, figure out why you check out

When you are home but not really there, look at the why underneath it. In my experience it usually comes down to one of two things.

The first is unsettled business problems running in the background. You are trying to solve them in your head while your wife is talking to you or while you are on the floor with the kids, and that can be really frustrating for the people who can tell you are somewhere else. The second is simply spending too many hours away, which often comes from high-stakes, high-pressure seasons, or from workaholism. That second one is a different problem: it is priorities out of line, an attachment to something that was never supposed to come before God and your family. Name which one is happening, because the fix is different for each.

Use gratitude to get out of your head and into the room

Here is a simple thing that works almost every time to pull you out of work mode. Ask yourself, "What am I grateful for right now?" Look around. Use your senses, what you see, what you smell, what you can taste. Give real appreciation to the people right in front of you. Gratitude moves your attention out of the problem you are chewing on and back into the moment you are actually in.

Learn to switch work off and family on

Getting better at time management makes you more present, because time-blocking trains the on-off switch. When the clock hits a certain time, you learn to close one thing and open the next: work off, family on. That skill is trained, and the plan-the-night-before, protect-the-block system is where it starts. Here is the faith-first version, Christian time management for entrepreneurs, and the tactical breakdown, time management for entrepreneurs.

When you cannot shut it off, bring your wife in

Sometimes the business noise will not quiet down no matter what. When that happens, do not white-knuckle it alone. Bring your wife into it in a way where she can counsel and consult with you. She is your helpmeet, and she has gifts, perspective, and intelligence that complement yours and often see the thing you are missing. Coming together to solve a common problem actually pulls you closer instead of pushing you apart. Be kind, be gentle, lead with love, and thank her for the help. Honestly, some of the most exciting conversations an entrepreneur can have are building something together with his sweetheart.

Be willing to be spontaneous

There is a time for the strict schedule where you have to be heads-down and away. And there is a time to be spontaneous, which is part of why you became an entrepreneur in the first place. Take the water break, the bathroom break, the two-minute hug with the kids, and give them all your energy in that moment. Some of my fondest memories are hopping off a call while working from home to go hug my family and tell them how much they mean to me. Surprise them with lunch. Surprise your wife. Those small, unscheduled moments are a lot of what being present actually is.

The small moments count more than you think

You do not need a free weekend to be present, you need to use the little moments on purpose. Hop off a call to give your kids a real hug and your full energy for two minutes, then go back. Surprise them by showing up for lunch. Surprise your wife. Working from home and stepping away to hug my family are some of my fondest memories, and none of them needed a cleared schedule, just a willingness to be fully there for a moment. Those moments add up to a childhood.